NOTE: Today, we had a neat Father’s Day opportunity. My dad happened to be in town, so we’re actually “tag-teaming” the sermon. He preached the first three verses (Ephesians 6:1-3), and I covered the final one (Ephesians 6:4).
Dads, How Are You Loving? (Ephesians 6:4)
GIST: Don’t provoke your kids to anger and push them away from the life-giving love of Jesus; instead, do your part to nourish them toward a mature, personal walk with Christ.
Let me start by laying my cards on the table. I have four kiddos, so I feel qualified to speak about fatherhood on at least an experiential level. However, I don’t harbor any delusions about being an expert in the field. I mess up… a lot. Even as I write this, I’m distinctly aware of how I’ve let my kids down today. The world might see an energetic, Jesus-loving guy who wants what’s best for his family, but in my heart, I know I’m not the daddy I should be and my kids deserve better.
Maybe you feel the same. Regardless of where you are on this fatherhood journey (and that includes men without biological children), you probably feel “less than” more often than not. That’s uncomfortable. Especially in the context of our homes, men want to be heroes who swoop in, rescue, and protect; but sometimes we’re not even good sidekick options.
Thinking about this, I kept coming back to one verse. I might not be the world’s best dad (even if I own a notebook that says otherwise), but I know the good Father, and His word tells me the kind of man I’m meant to be. As just one example, look at Ephesians 6:4.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Since the phrase translated “bring them up” has the connotation of nourishment, this verse starts with an implicit contrast. We’ll let that be our gist this morning: Don’t provoke your kids to anger and push them away from the life-giving love of Jesus; instead, do your part to nourish them toward a mature, personal walk with Christ. Let’s break this down a bit.
I. Don’t Provoke Your Kids.
First, we’re called not to provoke our children to anger. There are probably about a million ways we could do that, but this is a short sermon, so I’m just going to list a few that came to mind as I was writing this up ☺️.
Refusing to show grace or being impatient. Have you ever noticed it’s easier to be patient with everyone else in the world except your family? In summer school, I’m teaching high school, remedial English. My patience gets tested every day, but I still find myself quicker to distribute grace to these students than my own children. Dads, our love should reflect the love of our merciful Savior. We need to be so careful not to push them away from the love of Jesus with our critical attitudes.
Playing favorites. It didn’t turn out well with Joseph. It won’t work for you either. I know it’s a topic we joke around about. I tell my students at school all the time, “I don’t have any favorites. I hate all of you equally ☺️.” The truth is, I do have favorite students though. I can’t, however, have favorite children. They our all a gift from God, and it is my responsibility to make sure they realize that. I’ve taught long enough now to have encountered several students who have had their parents make it clear they are not the favorite. Guys, it’s devastating.
Neglecting their needs. The flip side of playing favorites is neglect. In extreme cases, this involves not providing adequate food or shelter. That is something, I’d like to say, is universally regarded as wrong. However, heart neglect is more common and still so harmful. Let me just be completely honest with what this looks like in my life. It is easier to parent the way I would want to be parented than to parent the way my kids need from me. If my kids are interested in what I’m interested in, then it’s no extra effort to show them attention. But my kids aren’t me. Playing basketball or throwing around a frisbee might not be the best cotnext for talking to them, so maybe I need to learn about princesses or play some Minecraft because I need to speak their love languages…not just force feed them mine.
Humiliating them or not struggling alongside them. I put these together because often they go hand-in-hand. A lot of times, parents can fall into this when we make our children’s behavior more about “how we look” than who they are. If you’re upset with your kids because they are acting goofy in the store or throwing a fit in public and that “makes you look bad”, it will be easy to shame them than redirect them. If their struggles —even struggles with faith —become a source of embarrassment for you, then you’re walking them away from faith in the Jesus who wants them to bring their struggles to Him. Our homes should be a safe place to grow up in the Lord, but growing up is messy. Kids don’t come out put together. From my experience, they rarely get that way as adults either. They’re just better at covering it up. Our homes have to be a safe place to ask questions and make mistakes as we point to grace.
If we make enemies of our children, how will we point them to a grace-bestowing Heavenly Father? In fact, instead of pushing their buttons, we’re told to→
II. Nourish Them In Christ.
That is to pour life into them… by pointing them to the discipline and instruction of the Lord. When I hear the word nourish, I immediately think about food ☺️. Most of us would never think of starving our kids (though that would save my family of six so much $ ☺️!). Still, we often neglect their deeper needs without much thought.
We’re not meant to needlessly provoke, but that doesn’t mean we just let them do whatever they want. We have a responsibility to direct them. The word discipline is being used as we would when referring to learning “a discipline”. Instruction, then, is speaking to our duty to admonish our children. Therefore, this is a call to point them to the whole counsel of God, to teach them how to walk the narrow way with Jesus, and to show them abundant life.
We could talk about what that might look like, but there isn’t a “method”. If there is, I sure haven’t found it. What I do know is this: guys, this kind of instruction will never stick unless we live it! If you really want to see your efforts fail, talk to your kids about following Jesus while not striving to do that in your own life. If you don’t make Him a priority, don’t be surprised when they don’t either—no matter how often you’ve told them “He’s important”. Let them see you reading God’s Word and even struggling with it, let them hear you talk about what He’s doing in your life, and, by all means, show them how vital it is to be plugged into a local church! Love them like all of us are called to love the world, by pointing them to the Jesus who is changing your life!
TAKEAWAYS
Struggle with your kids; don’t be a struggle for your kids.
Take your walk with Jesus seriously and let them see that. And just as a bonus one→
Tell them you love them… all the time.
I’m not a great dad, but, man, I want to be. Let’s pray we can love our kids of all ages and stages (and the whole world around us for that matter) like this.
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