What Kind Of Friend Are You?
Gist: True Christian friends love in the Truth, pray for prosperity, and rejoice in spiritual growth.
Scripture: 3 John 1-4
1 The elder to the beloved Gaius, whom I love in truth. 2 Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. 3 For I rejoiced greatly when the brothers came and testified to your truth, as indeed you are walking in the truth. 4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
Last summer, I had the privilege of teaching through the book of 3 John in youth group. It’s the shortest of John’s letters, and honestly, before I prepared to teach it, I cannot recall ever hearing anyone preach on it. I had read it several times, but never stopped to let it sink in. When I did, I was blown away by how much was in this tiny letter. So, as I prayed about what to address this week in the context of our facing trials series, this passage came to mind. This morning we talked about facing trials together in a more general sense. Tonight, I want to take another look at that and talk about what that will look like. What makes Christian friendships special and effective?
This is by far John's most personal letter. It was written to a specific individual, Gaius, and is full of heartfelt encouragement and warning, while actually being the shortest book in the Bible (coming in at just under 220 Greek words). Here, John continues to expound one of the central themes of his other writings: we must walk in Truth and Love. In this letter, however, he illustrates this by way of examples. One of those examples is Gaius himself who is walking in the Truth by showing hospitality to traveling missionaries.
It is in John’s greeting to Gaius that I think we get this awesome picture of Christian friendship. John opens this letter by referring to Gaius as beloved, twice. Not only does this likely emphasize the feelings other believers felt toward him and his hospitality, but also John's personal and intimate friendship. Though we do not learn much about their friendship, what we do see really hit me. True Christian friends love in the Truth, pray for prosperity, and rejoice in spiritual growth.
- Love in the Truth
1 The elder to the beloved Gaius, whom I love in truth.
There are two things we see here. Loving in the truth means 1) this love is genuine. As we’ll look at in a moment, John really cares about Gaius’ well being. Likewise, and more importantly, when John uses the word truth in his writings he is almost always making reference to Jesus, who is the Truth. So, if he says he loves in truth that means 2) their friendship is grounded in the mutual love of Christ. It is to be like the love of Jesus because of the love of Jesus.
A couple thoughts here.
- Do you love your friends or just tolerate, or worse yet, use them? Is your love selfless, or selfish?
I spend a lot of time with young people, so I’m prone to think in this context first. In a high school setting, especially, you’ll see this all the time. Kids spend time with people when it’s advantageous for them, and when it’s not...they don’t. I’ll have kids in class who seem like the best of friends, but as soon as they leave my room and one of them sees his or her “cooler” friends, this ends. It’s a friendship of convenience. It’s not real. But teenagers aren’t the only ones guilty of this. Adults do the same thing. We butter people up to get what we want, and once we have it...we take our butter elsewhere.
- Is your love based on the truth or personal, superficial preferences?
How do you choose your friends? Sure, we’re drawn to each other based on common interests and personality preferences; that’s normal. But what is your key standard? What makes or breaks a friendship in your mind? Is it the Truth, Jesus?
So, here’s a sticky subject: non-Christian friendships. Should we have them? Sure. How influential should they be allowed to become though? Your closest friends should be Christians. This isn’t an elitist mentality, but a practical truth. Our entire worldview is shaped around the cross—around Jesus. Anyone who does not hold to that doesn’t just “view life differently,” they are fundamentally opposed to the truth. We won’t have anything in common at the core.
Today’s society will hate hearing this, and label me a bigot for saying it. The first time I taught this lesson, Melissa and I had been watching a late night show, and the interviewee (<—that’s a funny word) was talking about being a Catholic and her husband being Jewish, and said something like, ‘But that’s okay. It doesn’t really matter’. It was an offhanded remark, but it really struck me. It’s only okay if neither of you takes your faith seriously—and that is what it has become. Everyone is okay with everyone else’s “beliefs” because at the end of the day those are just stylistic preferences, not fundamental, life-changing, principles (let alone a relationship based on the only truth!)…and we all embrace society’s prevalent, trendy, agnostic views as ultimate truth instead anyway. “Our religion” is secondary. It’s like preferring a specific genre of music over another--nothing more.
This cannot be the case if you love the Truth and love in the Truth. If the Gospel is true, which it is, and we believe it, which we should, then we can never be okay with someone missing out on it. That should directly impact our friendships. So again, is your love based on the truth or personal, superficial preferences?
(SIDE NOTE: In the same vein, this is why Christians shouldn’t date or marry non-Christians.)
- Pray for Prosperity
2 Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.
Now this one hits a nerve because it uses the "p" word. In many conservative Christian circles, this has become synonymous with heresy. This is because one of the most evident heresies of our day is what we call the "Prosperity Gospel". Basically, this is the error of teaching God's primary purpose is for us to be healthy and wealthy while here on earth. In other words, it is the heresy that turns Jesus' grace into a "magical genie" for getting whatever we want. This clearly goes against what the Bible teaches.
Yet, this is not what John is talking about here, or rather what he prays for: "2 Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul."
It's funny, when I read verse 2, I immediately grabbed on to the last part because I felt convicted for not praying for it. However, when I listened to Alistair Begg preach on this passage, he grabbed hold of the first part for the same reason... which just made me realize, I really do neither.
John prays that Gaius' physical condition would be as good as his spiritual condition (which is apparently quite good). In doing so, I think we get some insights into how we should pray for one another.
- Pray that they have a good life. It is not sinful to ask for success in school, or work, or
happy kids, or good marriages, or comfortable health. In fact, we should want these for our friends (see the love point :D). Yet, these requests need to be balanced with the more important-->
- Pray that they grow spiritually. I see this as one of the downfalls of typical "church"
prayers--which might, sadly, be the only time we really pray for each other. We tend to pray that people feel better...when they are sick, or that they find a job...when they lose one. Our prayers are primarily reactionary rather than heartfelt and preventative. Prayers for spiritual health tend to be generic (i.e. "help us grow") and limited, if present at all. Yet, this is opposed to the examples of Scripture.
A couple thoughts here, too:
- Do you pray specifically for the success and happiness of your friends? Or are we more jealous
of their happiness, and excited (evidenced by our gossip) by their failings?
- Do you pray for their spiritual growth…specifically?
- What would your physical health or happiness be like if it was ”as good” as your spiritual
health? On the other side—hitting more personally—John actually prays that Gaius' physical circumstances would be equal to his spiritual condition.There is a lot of time and money spent in this country trying to achieve and maintain optimal physical health. How much effort goes into spiritual growth? Again, what if that was the gauge? What if your physical health was dependent on how seriously you devote yourself to God--His Word, His Service, prayer...etc? What about your friends? Where would they be? Pray.
- Rejoice in Spiritual Growth
3 For I rejoiced greatly when the brothers came and testified to your truth, as indeed you are walking in the truth. 4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
I think this is a big point to recognize, and it ties in pretty tightly with the other two points. Look again at what gives John the greatest joy: "... to hear that my children are walking in the truth." Seeing evidence that those you care for and/or those with whom you have shared Jesus living in the truth should give you the greatest joy! When I read this, really one questions comes to mind:
- What gives you the most joy? Is it the spiritual growth of your friends, or Mizzou getting the
#1 high school prospect for next years basketball team? (Ok, so that one might just be targeting my own shortcomings.)
TAKEAWAYS:
True Christian friends love in the Truth, pray for prosperity, and rejoice in spiritual growth. Are you that kind of friend?
- Do you love your friends?
- Is your love based on truth?
- Do you pray specifically for their physical & spiritual growth?
- Does their spiritual growth give you joy?
Pray for these kind of friendships. We need them.
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